


It's a Wonderful Atlantis: A Palimpsest

by LtLJ



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Bad Fic, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-06
Updated: 2006-01-06
Packaged: 2017-10-03 09:22:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LtLJ/pseuds/LtLJ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for SGA and SV BadFic Summary challenge. Players were randomly assigned a Very Bad summary to write a story from.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's a Wonderful Atlantis: A Palimpsest

**Author's Note:**

> Mostly incoherent spoilers to Stargate Atlantis Season 2, episode Trinity.

**Title:** It's a Wonderful Atlantis: A Palimpsest  
**Summary: ** After Trinity, everyone hate? Rodney so he tries to kill himself. While he? in a comma, he see three Angels who show him what atlantis would be like whithout him. CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR TIRNITY AND ALSO A WONDERFUL LIFE HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Summary Written by: ** **devildoll**  
**Rating**: R for language, spelling, blasphemy, and implied het.

Authors Note: This is my first stargate story and I haven't seen any shows yet so please read and review and NO FLAMES&gt;

  
_One day after Rodney blew up teh solar system and killed all those people, the Atlatnis staff had a meeting to decide what to do about him._

Elizabeth looked around the Ancient conference table at everyone. "We can't let him get away with it this time!" she said. "I know he saved us all from horrible deaths just a few days ago, but there's a limit!"

"Didn't we deal with all this in the show already?" Ford asked.

Elizabeth frowned at John. "Is he supposed to be here?"

John sunk down a little in his seat and said defensively, "What?"

"That's right," Zelenka pounded on the table. "He has gone too far!"

"Can I have my old room back?" Ford asked.

"What's a solar system?" Ronon wondered.

  
***

  
_So Elizabeth told Rodney he was fired and that Kavanagh was now head of the science team, and they all hated him (Rodney, not Kavanagh, though they didn't like him much either). _

Rodney was aghast. "You can't replace me with Kavanagh! He's a crappy scientist! He told the Wraith where we were! I think he sabotaged the defense satellite to kill Peter! And he raped...somebody, I don't know! And he eats babies!"

Elizabeth frowned. "Really?"

"Yes! Well, no."

"Rodney, stop lying, that's how you got into this!"

  
***

_Then John said he would not be Rodney's best friend anymore (so the suicide thing was mainly all John's fault) and Zelenka spit at Rodney and said something nasty in a foreign language and Miko said Rodney was a bastard and she liked Dr. Kavanagh best now and Beckett said he wanted back his copy of _The Sound of Music_ which he had loaned Rodney last week. Ronon threw a tomato at him and Teyla said it was not the way of her people to blow up solar systems and even Ford was mean, and he wasn't even supposed to be here. Rodney cried and cried, and stole a lemon from the messhall and went to his room to commit suicide. Then there was a flash of light and three angels, Michael, Gabriel, and Judas appeared._

And Michael said, "Lo...don't do it."

Rodney clutched the lemon to his chest. "Get out, I'm an atheist!"

  
***

But the Angels took Rodney into an AU where he had never come to Atlantis. They appeared in the mess hall where everyone was eating lunch. Rodney's stomach grumbled. With the being fired and the suicide thing, he hadn't had a chance to have lunch, and it was salisbury steak day.

"Lo, look what your absence has wrought," the angel Michael said.

Rodney didn't think it looked any different from a normal day. Sheppard wasn't even licking gravy off Teyla's neck, and really, what was the point of invisibly spying on your hot friends if they weren't going to be doing anything they wouldn't do with you sitting right there? He said, "So what?"

"Without you to make a huge embarrassing deal about it, Colonel Sheppard sleeps with lots of Ascended Ancients," Michael said.

"Ooh," Rodney said. "Are they hot? Can we go see that?"

Michael stared at him blankly. "But--"

Rodney sighed. "Look. I'm the leading expert on Ancient technology in _Atlantis_. In the academic world's scale of attractiveness that makes me the equivalent of Antonio Banderas, Brad Pitt, and Angelina Jolie all rolled into one. I don't need any help with my sex life, thanks so much. I'm far more interested in my lasting contribution to the advancement of physics, the future of humanity in the Milky Way and Pegasus galaxies, and the lives of my friends and co-workers."

Michael stared.

"I'm not supposed to be here either," Judas confided to Ford.

"Shut up!" Michael screamed.

  
***

  
_Then there was an interlude._

When Rodney opened his eyes he was back in his room, clutching the deadly lemon, and Sheppard was standing over him.

"Major, you forgive me?"

"God, no," Sheppard said bitterly. "But apparently if you die and Kavanagh takes over as head of the science team, I have to sleep with him."

"That doesn't make any sense!" Rodney said, outraged.

"TELL ME ABOUT IT!" Sheppard shouted, walking away. "Just fix this or I'll kill you myself!"

"But no pressure!" Rodney shouted after him. _How the hell does that work?_ he wondered. Was there something in his employment contract that his lawyer had neglected to mention, where the science team leader was supposed to have sex with the military commander? _Thank God Sheppard shot Colonel Sumner._

  
***

PLEASEZ REVIEW! Will CONTINUE WHEN I GET 72 REVIEWS!!!11!!

Preview of next chapter:

  
"I want that DVD back, Rodney!" Carson said.

"Excuse me, in a coma here!" Rodney chewed on his evil deadly lemon. "And I told you you'll get it! I'm just a little busy right now!" he said, spitting out seeds.

"That's what you said about _Singin' in the Rain_," Carson said bitterly, and walked away.

  
***

"Hah, I rule Atlantis now, McKay! " Kavanagh sneered. "They're giving me a Nobel Prize, and a condo in Maui! Dr. Weir says she likes me best! And I get to sleep with Sheppard because of that fine print clause in the senior staff employment contract!"

"Jesus fuck." Sheppard grabbed Rodney by the collar and yanked him out of the stasis chamber, shaking him like a rag doll. "HELP. ME."

**end**


End file.
